Angry in the Great White North

From the Liberal Party homepage:

Liberal Leader Stephane Dion today called on the Conservative government to reverse its trend of setting economic policies that look only to the next election.

Unlike the Conservative government's short-sighted approach, Mr. Dion committed a future Liberal government to implementing a competitiveness strategy that includes investing in education and innovation, helping Canadian businesses access and succeed in global emerging markets, and ensuring the competitiveness of Canada's tax regime.

"Canada has the resources and skills to take over the world.," Mr. Dion said during a major speech to Canadian Club of Ottawa.

Unaware of the mistaken use of the preposition "over" instead of "on", and the subtle shift in meaning from global competition to world domination that resulted, Mr. Dion was surprised to find himself flanked on one side by Dracula, Lord of the Undead, and on the other side by Godzilla, recognized by authorities as the most powerful and influential of the great Pacific Rim mega-monsters.

Showcasing his oratory skills, Mr. Dion soldiered on despite the unplanned stage appearance by Messrs. Dracula and Godzilla.

"While the rest of the world sets ambitious targets and commits major resources, the Harper government fails to invest in our long term economic prosperity," he said. "The bottom line is this: under Stephen Harper, we're investing far less in Canada's most important resource - our people."

Mr. Dracula agreed with Mr. Dion.

"People are, of course, the greatest resource. Indeed, without a constant supply of people, I would grow weak, and could fall prey to my enemies who live in the light of the sun. I fully support Mr. Dion's policy of tapping into the Canada's lifeblood. I encourage Canadians to take up Mr. Dion's challenge to take over the world, and to join the shuffling ranks of my blood-drained minions to make that nightmare come true."

Mr. Dion said a new Liberal government's economic agenda would include three prongs: competitive taxes, aggressive international trade and a massive commitment to innovation and education.

Mr. Godzilla agreed with the priorities as set by Mr. Dion.

"In my opinion, the Conservatives are focused far too much on military adventures. Canada ought not to be taking its cue from the United States, with its emphasis on a military capable of repelling even the most powerful radioactivity-spewing city-crushing 100-foot-tall mega-monster. Instead of trying to address years of Liberal neglect of the military, Canada ought to follow the lead of my friend Stephane and take over the world. I am happy to commit to entering a militarily-weakened Canada and, after having made what I hope to be memorable visits to all your major urban centres to deliver a message on another one of Stephane's priorities, that being urban renewal, I would like to use Canada as the launching point for a new global campaign to replace the immense carbon footprint of the industrial world with one of my own. I know Stephane and I see eye-to-eye on the goal of signficantly reducing human industrial activity."

After the speech, the Liberal Party issued an official communique to correct the text of the speech as delivered. A spokesperson also insisted that though the new platform being developed by Mr. Dion did not intend to suggest global domination as a goal, Mr. Dion's commitment to democracy meant that the opinions of all interested parties would be considered, and if even remotely possible, every point of view voiced would be reflected in official Liberal Party policy. This stands in stark contrast to Prime Minister Stephen Harper's autocratic style of a singular vision.

See the full text of Stephane Dion's speech. It should be noted that he indeed said "take on" and not "take over". This is just a parody inspired by the Liberal home page, and an opportunity to poke some fun at Liberal Party policies and recent statements by Liberal Party members.